Leicester City v. Liverpool
Ryan: 1-2. The Leicester-Wolves snoozefest from last weekend was not much of a predictor for this week’s match up and fair to say Liverpool look wobbly, like indie rock sophomore album efforts. “Not good, Bob!” I might be a fool but I feel like Klopp’s dental work will defeat the shiny choppers of the Brodge in a close match.
Kate 1-2: Hard to imagine Liverpool allowing themselves to slide much further, and if last week was a must-win, this is a must-must-win for any chance to stay in the running. Vardy also has something to prove, so I’ll give him one as well.
Gautham: 2-3. Ugh really? A fit and firing Vardy. Leicester coming off a last minute (last second?) cup win. Fab, Thiago out for the Reds (along with…you know, everyone else). Everything points toward a Leicester romp. But I think the Reds pull this one out. Somehow. I don’t know. What a season
Crystal Palace v. Burnley
Ryan: 0-1. I’ve been watching the Wu-Tang documentary on Prime, “Of Mics and Men” all week and between that and “Soccer Box” (with Gary Neville not Ryan Giggs, though I did finally see the Giggsy’s episode), so I’ve go super 1990s feels; the same decade that Palace recorded it’s highest finish in the EPL (ok then the First Division, third) and their first hardware, the Full Member Cup. To quote Barbara Streisand, “Memories of the way we were …” All this is to say, Palace isn’t going to finish third and judging from it’s wikipedia page they’ll be no Full Member Cup since it apparently went defunct in the mid-1990s. Meanwhile Burnley’s living on the knife’s edge of relegation. One shouldn’t expect too much excitement in this one. Burnley’s desperation takes them over the top.
Kate: 1-1. All attention will be on Man City v. Spurs, but this game might have similar dynamics. Burnley will sit deep while Palace send wily strikers to thread the needle.
Gautham: 0-0. This is the kind of match the NBC Peacock execs look at and say…cool names, let’s televise this one!
Manchester City (c) v. Tottenham
Ryan: 2-1. I’ll admit Tottenham has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this. They’ve been disappointing across the board when facing top clubs, most recently against Chelsea, losing 1-0 and Liverpool … I can’t even bring myself to note the final tally. Kane is back and Son looks happy again, but Man City has been a juggernaut recently and I don’t see that changing.
Kate: I also had this 2-1. Mourinho has only faced us twice in the league since donning the purple pajamas, and he won both games 2-0 on the counter. This time we have resurrected John Stones and defense-robot Diaz at the back, so even though I see Kane & Son pulling one past Ederson, City will win the day (even without proper strikers!).
Gautham: 4-0. Once upon a time (in the first part of this season, that is), Spurs played attacking football. Downright swashbuckling stuff. It was like that one episode of the The Good Place where Chidi became super confident and chose his blueberry muffin in a second flat. But the worst thing that happened to Spurs was winning a few games, including one against City, with Jose’s classic low block. And now, that’s all they do. Ever. It won’t work about City because City will score, and City will not concede. I’ll enjoy the first 8 minutes when Son scores a nice breakaway but then it will be ruled off and Bernardo Silva will score and do that hideous celebration. I need a new hobby.
Brighton v. Aston Villa
Ryan: 1-2. Brighton has been as serious as a heart attack lately. Ask the Reds who might need a defibrillator to get back on their proverbial feet. Villa and Saucy Jack seem to always threaten, dispatching an Arsenal team last weekend that might also need resuscitation. I think this is the sleeper match of the weekend. I’m going with the Elvis like hype gyrations of Grealish in this one.
Kate 0-2. One goal per each of Jack Grealish’s tiny shin guards.
Gautham: 2-2. Two really strange sides. Brighton are arguably the most entertaining between the two penalty boxes. Villa is sometimes great and sometimes really not great. Grealish has been underwhelming for a few matches now. I feel like each team dominates one half. At least one penalty in this one.
Southampton v. Wolves
Ryan: 1-2. Wolves are so disappointing … and yet I love them. Southhampton couldn’t beat a Newcastle team down to nine men.
Kate: 0-1. Maybe more wish than prediction, but I want to see Nuno smile again.
Gautham: 1-1. Soton has been fun to watch, while Wolves are possibly the least entertaining side in the division. But Soton’s injury crisis is the real deal, and Ralph will be happy taking a point to stop the slide.
West Bromwich Albion v. Manchester United
Ryan: 0-1. What was up with West Brom’s uniforms last week (see image at top)? Took me back to college dorm rooms and lots of uhhh smoke. Man U takes it but Sam parks the bus and makes it close.
Kate 1-1. West Brom can bring it against the big teams.
Gautham: 2-1. (This one’s for you, Kate!)
Why the hell not. Big Sam reaches revs up the way back machine and the Baggies grab a last minute winner by pin balling it off several arses.
Arsenal v. Leeds
Ryan: 1-2. Leeds looked like magic last weekend, Bamford even notched his 100th goal. Arsenal looked like my junior prom impromptu performance of “Pass the Mic” sounded. That said, if Leeds can play as well as the 1983 promotional video for the local university (clips from which are cited above), well, the result speaks for itself. (Note: Apparently, English academics get a giant dog upon receiving tenure.)
Kate: 0-3. Why not? Leeds are absolutely relentless, and the only thing that would make Arsenal competitive right now is if Arteta put his boots back on and got on the pitch himself.
Gautham: 2-4. Have you noticed that everyone suddenly hates Leeds again? Finally, the world seems right. Arsenal looking a bit thin these days and this is probably not a great moment to play the whackado attack of Leeds. Also the reverse fixture provided fodder for my greatest ever tweet after Pepe got sent off.
Everton v. Fulham
Ryan: 2-1. Everton got into an unlikely 3-3 shoot out last weekend with Man U and it was magnificent. Fulham tied a West Ham team down to 10 men, 0-0. You do the math … or don’t b/c honestly it won’t matter.
Kate: 2-1. Everton will be full of confidence after that bonkers FA cup tie against Tottenham, but not enough to for either of their keepers to keep a clean sheet.
Gautham: 2-1. The Blues comeback against United was admirable (though I maintain that they were real shite in the first half). But I’d be a little worried about the source of goals. DCL might be a legend but he needs help. He’ll get it this time.
(Ed. Note: The Ed. forgot to post the Monday matches so only one of us weighed in. That person might be the forgetful Ed. Sorry.)
West Ham United v. Sheffield United
Gautham: 1-1. I’ll be honest with you, I’d rather watch a replay of the Super Bowl.
Ryan: 2-1. Well that’s just sedition Gautham, and well, @#$@$%@ up. Why does Tom Brady have more hair in his 40s than he did at 21? Where’s the grey TB 12? Three words: Just For Men. Anyway, West Ham walks away from this up one.
(Sup?!?)
Chelsea v. Newcastle
Gautham: 1-2. Don’t cheat: how many goals does Callum Wilson have? You cheated, but yes, 10. 10 goals! If Newcastle attack, you know… ever, they aren’t bad. But they won’t attack. For whatever reason I think Tuchelball will burn some Chelsea heads out, players will get tired and frustrated…maybe a sending off?
Ryan: 2-1. Admittedly, Newcastle pulled off an impressive win last week with only nine men for the last 10-15 minutes. Seriously, deserves a nod … but that’s all they get b/c honestly they aren’t that good. Chelsea, sure sprawling a bit, but still quality.